Monday! 9/12/11

With all the September 11 shows on tv last night, I struggled seeing all the pictures and videos of that day. It isn't something that I will likely ever forget. I know exactly where I was and what I was doing and I remember who was around and everything. While I am blessed that I wasn't there in that tragedy, I felt sadness, anger and pain for the people that went through that ordeal. The 9/11 memorial is quite beautiful. It is so nice that the loved ones that didn't get a body to bury have a place they can go and visit. I know it would be hard for me if I didn't have the cemetery to go and sit and be with my sister. It is hard just having my mother in an urn and not having a place to go and talk to her. Today is a brand new day and we were all blessed to awaken to the glorious morning that God has provided. I have to keep reminding myself that giving it to God isn't about  giving him everything and not remembering the heartache and pain that I have endured in the last year and a half, but it is about taking the burden off my heart of the hurt and replacing that with the happy memories of my sister and my mother. I want to be that person of happiness and joy for me and my son. He needs to know that loss, while it is painful because that means that you truly loved that person and to love is to be Godly, doesn't mean that the person that leaves this earth isn't still with us.  Such a beautiful thought to know that my mom and sister are still around me and Justice. I feel their presence every now and then. Then my son looks at me and asks me with his innocence where they are and he asks to see them. I ask him to show me the pictures on the walls where he sees my mom and sister. He does and does it so proudly. I just pray that he will remember them because they loved him so much. Almost as much as I do!