So, I started working out last week. By working out, I mean that I started doing cardio. I didn't want to just dive in to working with weights since I wasn't cleared to really work the abs (core) yet, and the last thing I want is to have a set back. I mean .. I have had 30 years of set backs and fat ass, so why help put myself back in the game. I signed up at the gym, I got a trainer for once a week (25 minute sessions), and I have made a deal with myself. If I can get to the gym 5 days a week for a month, I will let myself go to PF Changs (in Highland Village of course because I just love love love the atmosphere and decor and it makes me feel rich when I go there even though on most days I don't have two pennies to rub together) and get the seared Ahi Tuna I have been craving. I actually have been craving the vegetarian lettuce wraps too.
So, I started with my trainer "D" on Monday. I call him "D", because for the life of me I can't remember his name and well I would hate to call him out of his name when he is being not my friend and making me do exercises that hurt! He pushed me to do exercises that I didn't want to do. I know that I have thunder thighs. There is no misconception here. I know that my legs have more fat than muscle. So putting that stair step with 4 risers in front of me and telling me to step up on that thing is like telling me to cut off my legs! That shit hurts. I worry about doing it because my ankles have enough trouble holding up my body without the added stress of the step down from that high. The up hurts in my thighs and knees. The down is scary in my head due to the knee ache and ankles that are crying for me to stop the insanity. I did the exercises though. I am not paying for a friend. I am paying for someone to show me how to work myself and not get hurt. I am paying for training on how to do the exercises that will work for my body shape. The shape that looks like a hourglass with an extra wide middle (extra minutes we will call it). I am glad to be working out again. I missed it. I am glad to feel motivated again. For once, the motivation is within me and not guided by the eye candy and companionship that was working out with James. I am glad to have motivation that isn't geared around anyone else. It is nice. Now that I am starting to believe in myself and see that I can do this for myself and not to get someone else's attention, well I am feeling more inspired than ever!
I did Zumba on Tuesday and I wasn't the biggest one there and I wasn't the slowest and I wasn't the only one without coordination! YAY for that! Being self conscious has always been my downfall. I have always worried about what other people think about me. Weird though, because I really don't care what other people think, I just never wanted other people to look at me. Now I could give two shits. So nice to be in this place. It is a happy place where I am feeling good and soon the outside will match the beauty inside.
I haven't figured out how to make the Diary of a Fatty the main page so that when I do updates emails are sent out, but if someone knows how to do it, then please let me know. I like that the story is all there in one place, but I wish it was where I could update and it would just fall in line. Perhaps I need to seek a different website for this to work right. Blogging isn't my forte, but has been a great release for me.
If you like what you are reading or even if you don't, please leave a comment. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!